Mikel Arteta Sugar Sweet

Mikel Arteta has been raiding the hundred bags upon bags of sweets to relief the pent up solitude of going it alone without Pep (Guardiola), need to give Pep a ring for future tactics and team selection, but Pep manages Manchester City?

Ralph Hasenhüttl Alias Peter Parker

Ralph don’t do lockdown mode, but Quiet we must stay, Ralph is busy trying to save the world with the saintly one being disguised as Peter Parker to become Spiderman the super hero with the donning of Ralph’s look a like tracksuit in true Spiderman fashion.

Don’t forget the mask, remove the Southampton badge, don’t want to get recognised, in Ralph’s quest to save the world.

Dean Smith the Villa Complexion

No time for a holiday down at the villa, with the Aston Villa manager using the lockdown mode to improve one’s shading of colour, perhaps John Terry can help, but John is always wearing that bloody Chelsea kit, wait for the dug out time, maybe the Birmingham polluted filled sun rays can break through, good for the complexion.

Steve Bruce the Philosopher

Steve has become a philosopher, the meaning of life, the Premiership, deep in thought, can I keep the natives awake with the 4-5-1 system of no goals to stave off relegation, akin to lockdown boredom.

David Moyes, the Mirror Man

The chosen one has become a clone of falsehood, this is what I do, I win in mirror, mirror on the wall, but winning never leads to being sacked on a continuous basis David, in one’s reflection denial. Perhaps not, as Westham stave off relegation.

Nigel Pearson

Nigel’s Persona changed on the feared one’s return to football management, a more gentle, mellow, mellow, karma appeal has come Nigel’s way, but the lockdown has restored Nigel’s former self, currently in training for Nigel’s next fight with Mike Tyson on the agenda, as for the referee who faced a blackout after interrupting one of Nigel’s team talks, he’s been on the run years ago.

Part 3 will follow in the Football Column’s next edition.