As the story goes, Manchester City’s Raheem Sterling was spotted at Manchester United follower Usain Bolt’s birthday bash, a Derby clash.

Take 1

Raheem to his friends, arrives at Kingston, Jamaica Airport, waiting in situ is James Bond’s Aston Martin, of course ‘no time to wait’ on entrance to one’s terminal, a man with a Rastafarian donkey approaches? “Hey man, do you have some sterling.” “The name’s Sterling, Raheem Sterling.” “Want some ganga, man.” “No, I’m fast enough, that’s a sleepy thought, interesting.” “Where you going, man?” “To Usain Bolt’s ranch.” “This not America man, do you have a birthday cake for your man?” “Yeah man, I have Yaya Touré’s birthday cake.”

Into the Aston Martin, vroom vroom. “Oh, Miss Moneypenny.” “No, it’s Sterling, Raheem Sterling.” “Bloody hell, that was quick, did you see that, Usain has just bolted past us, follow yer man, oh, what a birthday bash, at the Olympic Flame, what an entrance. Time for the rumba in the bumbas, Usain’s Manchester United, what you doing here man.” “I’m going to race him, I have been challenged to see who is now the fastest man on the planet, on the Jamaican bobsleighs of course, at snow mountain, you sure that’s snow man?” “Over to you Pep” (Guardiola) “What, Pep’s here, he’s rolling his own on the cusp of the tongue, that little white ball, it’s a mystery, at the birthday boy’s Jamaican mystery, man.”

Strike the Pose

Into the pose zone we go, Gary Lineker hit the twit tweet button, birdying away as depicted, quote “In these difficult times to my haters” Following on from a substantial decrease in Gary’s BBC wages, implying that it’s a laughing matter. Excessive celebraty status in one’s mind does not provide moral fibre. Lineker is a presenter not a political or round ball expert, is that right Gary?

Onto another so called expert I his position is Jack ‘the lad’ Grealish, who confirmed his status to stay in the comfort zone with a five year Aston Villa contract signing. Equates to five, ten, twenty yard passes, so a trick or two from the odd free kick, receive the pats on the back for much to do about nothing, followed by the yearly endurance test on the hippy crack rituals of one’s summer time extravaganza.

Into North London and the former special one, Jose Mourinho’s moaning on Tottenham’s early season fixture congestion due to the terribly planned Europa League, sorry about the season ending European qualification Jose, you can remain hassle free and return to the studio delights of the Neville brothers, oh sorry the Carragher brothers?

Onto a step up, with the non removal of Carlo Ancelotti’s golden napkin, no tears, just the smooth transition of three high class signings, James Rodriguez, Doucoure and Allan to change the Everton landscape, highlights a manager with expertise and vision. To end on a much hotter note, the beIN Sports for the bag of air world, the football, have gone missing on many an airwave, perhaps the presenters keys and Gary are having a makeover in one’s make up room, but does the same tired format need to be changed, alongside the Gray Lineker, sorry Andy, it’s Gary, jousting aside, it’s only a game!