To the watching interested the Rooney’s are the perfect come imperfect couple, with Coleen being saved from a lifetime of drudgery as a Tesco’s checkout girl. The scoused pair are school sweethearts, so at least we are spared the quote “I did not know he was a footballer” from the ultimate modelling type grabbing cash doll, the make up girls with plastic balloons, mind the pin, that all it is, change the perception of one’s look momentarily. When under the influence of drink and of course Wayne’s been there multiple times, the victim, with either the red or the blue lights flashing away to the sounds of Z Cars, the Everton FC theme to go again with the flashing red lights as Wazza makes his escape route, but not from the tabloids of course? Welcome to the 21^st century, cameras, Twitter, Instagram, everywhere, big brother is watching you.

The new Roonship mansion my lordship is placed a small hop away from Manchester Airport flightpath, which creates a certainty as father time kicks in, a donning of one’s ear plugs would be required to stop the inevitable. In the Covid-19 passage of time, Coleen’s double figures holiday jaunts have been watered down, yes the swimsuit been watered. The figures are down to simple digits, just the nine destination jaunts a year, Donald Coronavirus has put paid to that, the message to Donald is, get lost, so that Coleen’s surreal or is it real world can resume. Coleen’s yet to visit Russia, missed out on that trip, the 2018 World Cup, too bloody cold there.

From holiday hopping to home hopping, pushing the boundaries, looking to impress, but does anyone care? We just look and watch, a passing interest. In some quarters the Rooney’s are regarded as the Flintstones “Coleen, Yabba, Dabba Do”. Wayne’s playing career is winding down mellow, mellow, at the footballing outpost of Derby County, but not when Brian Clough was there, with Wazza looking to climb into the former manager Philip Cocu’s vacated seat with a hot cup of cocoa. Will management suit Wayne? Hit or miss. The Wazza can always return to the comfort of one’s mansion, noise permitting, follow the flight planes satnav to find one’s abode, Morrisons?

The Abode > Supermarket?

The Rooney mansion is named Morrisons, origin from the public domain, possibly in line with the man from Alcatraz, the escaped Frank Morris, rumour has it that the noise of the San Francisco boats was sending Frank plain crazy.