Ask the questions, are penalty shootouts fair? Does it determine the best team? Are the winners cheating their way to victory? It’s a lottery, time for change. The German legend or perhaps not now, the FIFA’s Franz Beckenbauer was tasked with solving the conundrum of the penalty shootout fiasco and failed miserably, but not in the emperor’s, Franz’s corruption case. A loophole in the law has allowed Beckenbauer to live out his life on the FIFA ten million pounds stash, enter the Football Column, not to solve the law loophole, but the need to abolish the end gaming farce, the penalty shootouts.

During the ninety minute match play teams can suffocate the opposition with negative, sterile football, can be determined as the lesser team, depending on the match situation and a bag a result, to be accepted, it’s over the ninety minutes. It the two participating clubs remain at loggerheads, on level scores after normal match time with the thirty minutes extra time to be added with the extra add on, the avoidance of penalty shootouts, to be abolished, to suggest a statistic count to determine as follows. The start point, the team with the highest ration of attacking moments within the opposition’s penalty area, to be counted with shots on goal, free kicks in the attacking zone and corner kicks, points to be tallied with the leading team on this point basis, to be awarded a one goal lead entering into extra time. A match ending one to one to be switched to 2-1 and so on into the article and to explained. Many teams can play for the penalty shoot outs knowing they are the lesser team with the aim legally, but in the Manero files, cheat their way to victory, a sickening way to win, followed with a bigger bowl of sickness for the losers. FIFA’s employment of the thief Beckenbauer, one thief leads to another with the remit to solve football’s fabrication of match wins, the shootouts, was perhaps a laid down red herring with football’s governing body creaming in the television global network’s money, the incoming cash cow on the back of the adrenaline rushed shootouts, is it an exciting end, yes for the winners. The proposed change, memo to FIFA, will be in touch, with Manero to lay out changes with the thirty minute extra time period being equally as exciting, to be enriched with end to end flowing football, legs permitting! A FIFA red herring as mentioned, to fool the footballing public for their desire to change the shootouts, but is this really the case?

The Manero proposed changes to now follow, points will be awarded to each time a team presses inside the opponent’s penalty box or within a five yard compass of this area, four attacking players would have to come under this bubble zone to earn the ten points on the board.

Shots on goal will be the second highest points earner to be issued with determined shots on goal within a 30 yard radius, goal bound shots will be rewarded, not wayward shots, seven points to be tallied. Next up is free kicks in attacking areas, a five point earner and corner kicks with three points take entering into extra time, to restate as before, the team with the highest stat come points level under the terms of the before laid out points format will be awarded a one goal lead, being determined after the ninety minutes period. A match official will be employed to invoke the stats, a simple points tallying. A new football law. The giant screens which are housed in all stadiums for the fans will screen each team’s respective stat level to stay tuned to events. Gives oneself time to digest.

The team with the one goal advantage would theoretically look to move forward into attacking areas. To sit back would keep the stat level low, it would defeat their own stat, it only takes a second for the opposition to score a goal, the equalizer, they would then be chasing the stat not the ball, perhaps not. Likewise the team facing the one goal deficit would have to attack in search of the equalizer. In the highly unlikely event both teams are level on goal and stats, then the team with the one goal advantage going into extra time will be awarded the match and progress, justice served. To Arsene Wenger, FIFA’s football developer, the Manero will be in touch!

Time to delve into the history books and team England who have suffered six agonising penalty shoot out defeats. The Manero will highlight the two chosen v Portugal on both occasions. Flashback to the European Championships 2004 and the 2006 World Cup, resulting in a 6-5 and a 3-1 defeat respectively. During the ninety minutes and extra time period the Three Lions were the better team and deserved to progress in both tournaments. Heart breaking to this day, after two years of qualification matches, the hard road ended in an unjust manner, the penalty shootouts stink, a fiasco. Manager Sven Goran Eriksson was heavily criticised for both tournament exits, falling short of Sven donning the kit and boots and taking the spot kicks himself, so how can the blame be laid at Erikson’s door, Gerrard, Lampard and Rio Ferdinand have openly tried to shift the blame onto Erikson for the so called ‘Golden Generations’ failures, take responsibility yourself, you’re the ones that crossed the white line, as for the small painted spot, the penalty spot, not the be revisited?

The Yellow Submarine Sinks United

With the present farce, the penalty shootouts will continue to be revisited in all their glory, but not for Manchester United being further highlighted with a crushing defeat 11 to 10 penalties to the yellow submarine, the Villarreal which is termed as a royal village for those cognate lovers, all loved up for the royalty king of the Europa League, the manager Unai Emery who has claimed his fourth Europa League trophy.

United had the beating of the Villarreal down the flanks, frequently exposing the Spaniards back line but poor delivery into the penalty box, hit the fail to capitalise button. The loophole was exposed to United’s high line defending on the Spanish’s free kick which led to their goal, (Manero article 08.10.19. High Line Defending Tactic). The defending frailties of the tactic was exposed, Villarreal played the perfect ball over the top, the high line with perfect required pace and dead ball flight landing, impossible to defend against. Of the opinion that United should have employed a four pronged attack, left to right, Greenwood, Rashford, Cavani and Daniel James to punish the Spaniards with Matic and Juan Mata holding the line, as opposed to Scott McTominay, a cumbersome type player whose body evolvement suggests problems with the rigours of the midfield position. Another for United, a coincidence?

Manero will address to delivery come cross into the opposition’s penalty area titled “The Crossing of One’s Balls” in a later edition.

City Crushed

Champion’s League final, Manchester City 0 Chelsea 1. Before one’s covering of the blades of grass, the match a pre-match show type presentation was showcased. Huge club crests of the two participating clubs were draped in each half of the pitch, which engaged with flame type sprinklers going off rhythm covering the whole pitch, spectacular, no. Some bloke then appeared, the flames had then extinguished themselves with the flick of a switch I presume, the bloke holding a mike is named the marshmallow man, don’t want him melting, dressed in white wearing a white tin hat, the marshmallow, too hard for a crunch, oh that hurt. Does anyone do live performances anymore, all mimed up of course, where’s Vanilla Ice? A series of marshmallow men then appeared, on the giant screens I presume, he has friends then, back to the football.

Chelsea started the match in lively fashion employing a 3-3-4 tactic on ball retention reverting to a 4-3-3 when out of prolonged ball possession. Key moments came, Werner missing two guilt edged chances with a miscue on shot execution inside City’s penalty box and a second chance which the German should have dispatched scuffing the shot, perhaps Werner is low on confidence, that’s when the technique misfires but Timo does not hide, he fronts up, never be afraid to miss is the rule. City for their part were causing Chelsea problems in their right back area with Stirling and Kevin de Bruyne threatening. A naturally gifted left sided player could have worked the oracle with the two mentioned looking to shift the ball back to their favoured right side which in those split seconds on shot execution being delayed, chance gone, City subsequently were closed down. The link man for City was Ilkay Gundogan linking the defence to the forwards upon receiving the ball from positions in front of City’s back four to move forward behind City’s forward line. On 42 minutes, the breakthrough, Kai Havertz had a clear run on City’s two centre backs, bridged the gap between the two, a clear run on goal, 1-0 Chelsea. Into the second half, City huffed and puffed without looking likely to score. Chelsea had their attacking moments. Tuchel set his team to defend in numbers behind the ball to protect the lead, the clock tick tocked to 97 minutes with added injury time, match over, Chelsea. The European champions for the second time in the club’s history, the trophy now rests in SW6, congratulations to the Chelsea.

Into West London and of neighbourly love is the return of Brentford FC to England’s top flight, it’s been a long wait, 74 years. Let’s hope the Bees of Brentford can pack a sting buzz, buzz. A leaving of the Championship to a new entry, into the England’s second tier with the Tangerines of Blackpool via the play offs v Lincoln City who previously suffered with the Club’s previous owners, the Oyston family, rock on you Tangerines.

Historically yours, Blackpool’s first ever Football League match was v Lincoln City 1896.

The Shrimps Deliver

The lowest budget in the Football League, pre-season favourites for relegation, a 14 year trench mentality in League Two, to survive, 87 years in the pitted backdrop of English football, beyond the Football League, to survive, a team assembled with free transfers, mission impossible completed. Promotion to the third tier of English Football, League 1, congratulations to Morecambe Football Club. The winning goal came from the exotically named Mendez Gomez via the penalty spot v Newport County, play off final, one to nil. The cocktails are on me, the wagging tail of the shrimp, crispy.

G3 Pitches Reign Supreme

Sutton United have gained promotion to the Football League, the champions of National League 1 with the amber and chocolates neighbours, Bromley FC aiming for promotion via the play offs. Both clubs play out on the artificial G3 pitches which will have to be scrapped in favour of the grass on entry to the Football League. Onto the late entry, no sweet taste for Bromley FC who failed to gain promotion with Hartlepool delivering the knockout blow. The play off final ended nine months of toiling in the outer reaches with no supporters, just the whiff of the Covid-19 lurking around. Hartlepool v Torquay United, the venue, Ashton gate, Bristol. Into full time 1-1, onto extra time 1-1, onto the dreaded penalties, 5-4 to Hartlepool, promotion secured to the Football League, the four year wait is over, the nicknamed ‘Monkey Hangers’ have returned, congratulations, hey hey to the Monkeys, squeak, squeak, grunt, grunt.